Honest Scrap

I've never really been a "Dear Diary" kind of girl, but I have found blogging to be a great way to document my baby's milestones while also allowing me to express my feelings about it all. When I told my older brother, Tarek about the blog, he said "oh, yeah isn't that where people just like write stuff about their lives for other people to read?" Well, yeah I guess it is.

Anyway, Mary Louis Quinn, who's baby is a female version of my baby 2 months from now, gave me this blog award. The Honest Scrap, it stipulates that, among other things, I have to write 10 honest things. So here goes:


1. I loved being pregnant. It gave us all the excitement and anticipation (with some worry, admittedly) but without changing our day-to-day lives so much. As happy as I am that he is here and healthy, some days I truly miss being pregnant.

2. I have a love/hate relationship with breastfeeding (for those of you who are not mothers or think this is TMI, please skip to number 3). I love it because it is a bonding time for Zayd and me, and (most of the time) it is his happiest and most content time of the day. The first few weeks nearly killed me. Not only did he need to eat nearly all the time and for up to an hour at a time, but he literally drained me of fluids, nutrients, and energy on top of the sleep-deprivation from the aforementioned need to eat constantly. I made it through that period just to go through milk let-down issues that made him a fussy eater, when I started pumping like mad, I felt like I was bonding more with the Medela Pump In-Style than Zayd! Thankfully, now we have reached a nice balance of nursing when I'm with him and bottles of breastmilk when I'm away. Although, getting there was not an easy process.

3. I, similarly to ML, resented (and still do to an extent) those mothers with babies that "sleep all the time and never cry." I partly think this is a hoax, but I won't get into that.

4. I am so thankful that Zayd is here and healthy. Even with all my complaining, I would not hesitate to give up my sleep, or anything else for that matter, for the rest of my life if it meant he would remain healthy.

5. I worry. I worry that he's going to stop breathing or that he's in pain. I worry that if I let him cry, he will feel abandoned or not trust me.

6. I sometimes treat Zayd like a baby doll, changing his outfits 2 or 3 times a day, even if he doesn't need it.

7. I secretly kind of wanted Zayd to be a girl.

8. Zayd is clearly calmer with my mom than he is with me sometimes, this is a relief and also angers me just a little bit.

9. Sometimes when Zayd is crying I just hold him and stare at him, hoping I can telepathically make him stop.

10. On a happy note, as difficult as it has all been, I can't wait to do it all over again (God-willing)!