Guest Post

Today’s post is not about my babies or our day to day life. Today’s post is a guest post from one of my most loyal blog reader, my dad! He’s always up-to-date on the blog and is the first to let me know when it starts slacking a bit. He and my mom went to Italy a couple weeks back. They were only gone for a week but it felt like an eternity (especially because we see them at least twice in a week).

While he was there he made some observations and has some bits of advice that he wanted to share with the wonderful readers of this blog. So here goes:

The Airplane:

The instant you board the plane heading to any European country your dollars become yen (pesos or any other currency that has no value).

Adults revert to childlike behavior in airplanes. Everyone sits quietly, obeys all commands, and even has to ask permission to go to the “potty” (a term he learned from me and my sister). And, the airplane meal is devoured as if it is the last supper.

Time moves at a snail’s pace in the airplane. Every minute feels like an hour, which makes the new screens that show the plane’s movement torture especially for someone who can’t even wait in line at the grocery store and thinks McDonald’s drive-thru is too slow (ahem, like him).

The Food:

Who is eating all the gelato? There is a gelato stand on every corner. Do we really need that much of the tasty frozen delight? (I would argue, yes)

The best Italian pizza I’ve ever had is in this tiny little village called Birmingham, Alabama. “Sorry but all Italian pizzeria's suck” (direct quote).

Tourism:

What would Italy be without Leonardo DeVinci or Michelangelo? How many billions of American dollars have been put into their economy because of these men? Also, Michelangelo and Leonardo were gay and they lived to age 90, Rafael was a lover of women and he died at age 37. Conclusion: Women kill you… (his words, not mine)

One incentive to lose weight in Italy is so you can fit in the shower. If you drop the soap, forget about it! They would have to cut you out!

Wi-Fi is a SUPER privilege, not a God-given right. Slow Wi-Fi is definitely relative. And one thing’s for sure, the Wi-Fi at my house is lightening fast (this is kindof an inside joke too, because he always defends the Wi-Fi in Sylacauga, especially as compared to ours, which on a good day is struggling).

I have no interest in learning a new language. So, to all the tour guides, stop trying, English is what I came here with, English is what I’m leaving with! To that point, if you speak to me in Italian, I reply in English:

Random tourist: “Ciao!”

Me: “See ya later!”

Always visit the bathroom when you see it, you never know when you’ll need it again and it may be 2 hours on foot away and cost 1 Euro. Be smart, buy coffee for 2 euros and use the bathroom while you’re there. (That’s hitting 2 birds with one stone, a classic dad lesson!).

There’s just something not right about paying money to go into a church. Does the Big Guy determine the amount? Is it adjusted according to inflation? Do you pay more if you sin more? Discounts for clergymen?

Being frugal could be dangerous for your health (or beneficial), if you decide to climb the tower of the cathedral of Florence, you have to pay 4 Euros a piece. Being the frugal person, I decided to climb it twice to get my money’s worth. That’s 840 steps for 4 Euros! Can’t beat that!

I will NEVER drive a car in Italy and I will never ever drive a bus. Our driver was going too fast and navigating roads that were made for HORSES. He was trimming trees as we passed them by, all the while smiling, while we were all horrified!

The biggest lie you’re told on a European trip is spend all your money and you will get 19% back when you get back to the airport. Turns out the bank is either closed or there are 40 people waiting in line to get theirs, or (even worse) the bank is on the other side of the security gate and you will have to endure intense interrogation to get there and back. So, I considered it a donation to help keep the Euro Nation strong!

Traveling is fun, but one thing’s for sure, there’s no place like home! (I couldn’t agree more).