1 Month

Zayd is 1 month old today! I didn't work today, so we have gotten to spend his 1 month birthday together. It is amazing how much he has changed in such a short amount of time.

By the way, the outfit is from Uncle Faris, good taste, wouldn't you say?

The Big Day

With Zayd being 3 weeks and 4 days old, I figured it would be notable to record that I have gone back to work! I know, it sounds a little crazy. My dad has been encouraging me to come back to the office since week 2, which would have been impossible. Granted, it hasn't been that long still, but at least I had some time to mentally prepare. I mean, it has been just me and him every day for what feels like forever!

I'm not full-time yet, and as hard as it is to leave him, it feels good to be out of the house, especially knowing that he is with my mom who loves him as much as we do and is so good with him. Just as an example, she had just taken care of him yesterday afternoon for a couple of hours and when she came to get him this morning, she said "oh my gosh, I've missed him." Like it had been years. I am so blessed to have her to take care of him, and definitely could not be doing this without her.

Anyway, I'm almost halfway done with my first day back, and so far so good. No mental breakdowns in sight! And THAT is an accomplishment!

Unpredictable

Swings, pacifiers, bouncy seats, gas drops, swaddle blankets... The gear babies require these days is truly unbelievable. You have to get it all, because you don't know what your baby is going to require. As I sit here bouncing my baby in his bouncy chair, I am thinking about all of the stuff we have bought to keep the little guy happy. My baby is going to sleep anywhere, I thought or at least I prayed that would be the case. Little did I know that not only is he particular about his sleeping, but also he changes every single day. One day the swing keeps him quiet for a while, the next day he hates it and the vibrating bouncy seat does the trick. Many days, we exhaust all of our soothing efforts to no avail!

Somehow we expect an infant who has no idea what's going on around him to follow some kind of predictable pattern, and we expect it to fit perfectly into our lives! Babies don't work like that. They have only their God-given reflexes until they are mature enough to understand the world around them, and remembering that helps me maintain perspective on this human being who has just been introduced into the world.

Here are some sleeping pictures, just to document that he does in fact sleep, sometimes.

Outings, to Date

Zayd is now 2 weeks old, and I thought I'd write about our outings thus far. He was born on Sunday September 27, we went home on the 29th.

First official outing: the pediatrician on Friday, October 2. The well waiting room had about 5 other moms with peaceful sleeping babies, mine was crying and had to be fed right there in the waiting room. This was pretty much the way the first week went, and why he was already 4 oz. over his birth weight 5 days after he was born... That was an adventure.

Second outing: Because my parents are crazy about exercise, and because I had been imagining the day that I would be able to do this, by Saturday October 3rd, we hit the Lakeshore trail for the first time with our stroller. That actually went really well, but he did get fussy/hungry on the way home.


Third outing: Monday, October 5, the photo shoot...

Fourth outing: Friday, October 9, lunch with Nick at Zoe's. That went well, actually. But again, a little fussy on the way home.

Fifth outing: Saturday, October 10, dinner at Jason's Deli AND a walk in the mall. That one was good for mama! He was calm the whole time, but again a little fussy on the way home. There seems to be a pattern here. Either we are waiting too long to get him home or the little man likes to stay out.

Last but not least, on his 2 week birthday, we went to the grocery store, which on a Sunday evening can be too much for anyone! He didn't love the grocery store. Let's just leave it at that.

I am really proud of us that we have ventured out, although I am still struggling with being stuck at home. I mean I love taking care of him, and God knows it IS a full-time job. I think it's just not being able to grab the keys and walk out the door whenever I want that I am struggling with. What can you really expect though from a 2 week old?

Zayd's First Photo Shoot

I have anticipated this event for months... As with anything much anticipated, things didn't go exactly as planned. I should have known when we had such a long stretch of peace the morning of the shoot, that the shoot itself might not contain such peace.

We bathed and dressed Zayd, I fed him and we were out the door. We made it to Heather Swanner's studio on time. Well, 3 and 1/2 hours, one stained shirt and one soiled blanket later Heather got these pictures. They are beautiful, and she is so patient and wonderful! It was a bit of an emotional rollercoaster as we all worked together to get the little man happy, and we couldn't be happier with the result!

Here they are on her blog.

A Postpartum Revelation

A very unexpected thing has happened to me in this week after the much anticipated birth of my son... I miss being pregnant. Yes, I am the same person I referred to in my previous post that had a breakdown less than 24 hours before I delivered, because I was so ready to have the baby.

Before you call me crazy, hear me out. Sunday night, I was holding my baby mere hours after his birth and he was hiccuping, nothing unsual. Well, all of a sudden and mind you, I hadn't slept in over 24 hours, I realized he was not in me anymore and those hiccups I used to feel in my tummy were now coming out of a living breathing person! Once again, I was overcome with emotion.

Since then, I have been, how can I put this? Emotionally... unsteady. Now, I was a cool cucumber during my whole pregnancy. I never cried for no reason or lashed out at my loved ones. I wasn't any moodier than my usual self or anything else out of the ordinary, so I guess I was due for a couple of breakdowns. I knew my life would change, but I never expected it to be this hard. Nick and my family have been so supportive and wonderful. I don't know how anyone does this alone.

One thing I know for sure is that EVERY single time I look at Zayd's face, a joy fills my heart and makes me forget the sleepless nights and all the tears, mine and his...

A Baby Story

I figured that before the sleep deprivation and emotional stress completely wipe out my memory, I better get this labor story down. The amazing thing is that it was 9 days ago, but feels like a year ago! Life has changed so much for us, and I realize that THIS is our new reality.

Enough of that, let's get to the good stuff. This entry is for those of you whose guilty pleasures include all of those TLC baby shows that go into gory labor details. But, as usual, let's start at the beginning.

As my other entries have indicated, we were so clueless about when little Zayd was going to arrive. I had basically accepted the fact that I would make it to my due date (which is tomorrow, by the way) possibly later, when on Friday, September 26, my doc said I was no more dilated than the week before. She warned me about the big rain storm coming in that weekend, and said "it may happen." Yeah yeah, I thought, and I was prepared to return to work for another week and even ask to be induced on the following Friday.

So the next day comes around like any other. We slept in, ate a good breakfast, relaxed. Then, out of nowhere, emotional breakdown: I was overwhelmed with emotion. I'm not sure what the cause, but I think it went something like this: I just wish I knew when it was going to happen, sniff sniff. I just hate the uncertainty. I would like to schedule an induction, so I'll know, but I don't want to push it if he's not ready, sniff sniff. I'm just tired of being pregnant. Well, we worked through that... eventually. We got ready and went out to walk in the mall, have dinner and go to a movie with my parents. Nick and I walked like champs in that mall, because I was determined to make something happen! Then we went on to dinner at Firebirds. We laughed, ate a ton, and I was feeling great! My parents, also determined to make something happen, made us all walk from the restaurant to the movie theater, and it was super muggy. At this point, I am starting to feel some pelvic pressure, but I thought I was just getting a little sore from the walking. We went ahead and watched Love Happens, and I was feeling contractions the whole time. Honestly, in my mind I wanted to time them, because they felt awfully close together, but still not painful. So, I thought nothing of it, just more Braxton Hicks. On the way home, we talked about stopping for ice cream, but we didn't pass a McDonald's, so we said forget it. I walked in the door and told Nick I was really feeling the pressure. I could barely walk at this point. I sat down on the ottoman and started researching what it means to have pelvic pressure at 38 weeks and had just read that one lady's water broke after feeling incredible pelvic pressure, when "POP" (and I mean, I heard it pop), there goes my water (good thing we didn't stop at McDonald's). I won't get into any more detail, but that is a feeling I will never forget. For some reason, I was saying, "what do I do? I don't know what to do." But we called my parents and the doctor and were on our way.

So, this happened at about 10:30 p.m. on Saturday. We arrived at the hospital at 11. They got me hooked up by 12, I was still about 1 cm dilated, and they offered to start the pitocin now, or wait until morning. My dad answered that for me, and said, NOW. So, we started that at about 1 a.m. Then, the pain started. My parents left, and told us to call them when he was ready. I tried to distract myself with some Golden Girls, but the pain was getting pretty bad. Around 2:30, the doc said that even though I was only 1 cm, I could have the epidural. I agreed, wholeheartedly. At 3:00 a.m. I became the happiest girl in the world. I give it up to all of you women that go natural, but the epidural was the best thing that has ever happened to me in life, ever! So, now life is good again. Within an hour or so, I was 4 cm, and 20 minutes after that, I was 8 and1/2 cm dilated... Go time! We called my parents and started preparing for the big event. I think it is notable that from the moment the nurse said I was 8 and 1/2 cm, until after the baby came, my husband did not sit down. I started pushing around 5:00 a.m., and my sweet baby came into the world at 5:53 a.m. I was overcome by emotion as was my husband and my mom. It was a very sweet moment that I will forever cherish.

After this experience, I believe in a few things: 1. Walking can and will put you into labor 2. Increased barometric pressure can and will make your water break and 3. A good indicator of how labor will go for you is how it went for your mom/sister (both my mom and my sister's water broke at 38 weeks with their babies).