A very unexpected thing has happened to me in this week after the much anticipated birth of my son... I miss being pregnant. Yes, I am the same person I referred to in my previous post that had a breakdown less than 24 hours before I delivered, because I was so ready to have the baby.
Before you call me crazy, hear me out. Sunday night, I was holding my baby mere hours after his birth and he was hiccuping, nothing unsual. Well, all of a sudden and mind you, I hadn't slept in over 24 hours, I realized he was not in me anymore and those hiccups I used to feel in my tummy were now coming out of a living breathing person! Once again, I was overcome with emotion.
Since then, I have been, how can I put this? Emotionally... unsteady. Now, I was a cool cucumber during my whole pregnancy. I never cried for no reason or lashed out at my loved ones. I wasn't any moodier than my usual self or anything else out of the ordinary, so I guess I was due for a couple of breakdowns. I knew my life would change, but I never expected it to be this hard. Nick and my family have been so supportive and wonderful. I don't know how anyone does this alone.
One thing I know for sure is that EVERY single time I look at Zayd's face, a joy fills my heart and makes me forget the sleepless nights and all the tears, mine and his...
Well you know from reading my posts that I didn't think those first few weeks were a walk in the park either. I told John very shortly after we were home that I didn't know how single moms did it...it was (and still is sometimes) SO hard!!
ReplyDeleteI too miss being pregnant sometimes (and I never thought I would say that). But I think once you meet the person who was in there all that time it makes the pregnancy seem that much sweeter and more special.